An Obnoxiously Long Post About Everything You've Missed

Hello friends, frenemies, and people who somehow aimlessly stumbled upon this blog. I know I missed out on updating for a whole month but thanks to some positive peer pressure (you know who you are), I’m back! A whole heck of a lot has happened, so I’ve decided that there will be two major updates- the fun one that you’re reading right now, and a collection of my interesting experience responses for my weekly reports from the last few weeks, which are undoubtedly filled with heavier material/reflections. 

So, here’s what you’ve missed:

• We did a high-ropes course while it was raining. My legs were only quivering like the entire time because I hate heights. I very very very vehemently hate heights. But I also managed to wander off and find a private beach in the woods while everyone else was busy trying to navigate slippery obstacles fifty feet off the ground. Solid win. 
• Some dude slapped me on the butt on my way home one day. I questioned my faith in humanity. I’m actually fine, so no need to worry there. 
• One of the West Point cadets almost(!) convinced me that White Russians are merely called “whites” here. His efforts were futile. 

Misha, Wilton, Andrew, Mindy and I occasionally act
like we like one another.

• I have acquired a wide array of spices and snacks and store them at school, so if you objectively look at all the food here about a third of it is mine and I’m not going to be apologizing anytime soon. (These purchases have also included a mini-blender).
• We visited a private collection of World War II era tanks and other miscellaneous vehicles and somehow Mindy channeled this very somber and zoned-in vibe that was scarily reminiscent of pictures from that time. All the West Point kids geeked out over the tanks, which I suppose is to be expected. 

• I watched the Army-Navy volleyball star match around 2AM here. I must confess that by watch I mean that I let it play while I very groggily drifted in and out of sleep and checked the score. So very sorry to my teammates, but you know I love you all. 
• We went to the Banya! For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s a Russian traditional during which you hang out in this sauna-like room and it gets absurdly hot. Depending on how cool you are, you can sit in different benches at different heights to experience varying atrocious levels of heat. Then you just kinda sit there and sweat until you decide to lie down on one of the benches and be beaten (yes, beaten) with birch branches because they open up for pores and are supposed to be good for you. After the beating and sweating, you run outside and jump into a lake nearby the banya building. This process continues until your very awesome host (see also, Janis) makes kebabs for you and your squad. 
• I have done nothing but binge-watch Brooklyn 99 and finishing Season 5 on Netflix has left me with a void that I am seeking to fill. Honestly, who needs human affection when I could just watch Season 6 of this glorious human treasure?
• I was finally able to acquire my first pumpkin spice latte of the season in Vilnius. Wilton has made sure that I don’t forget about it by consistently insulting me about it. It was literally one. *insert eye-rolling emoji*

Fall really has started to hit Daugavpils. This
is two days after there was snow here for the
first time this year. ):

• In the same line as the great glory that is fall’s signature flavor, two of my lovelies, Cherry and Liz, sent me the world’s greatest care package and for the next month I plan on covering everything I eat with Trader Joe’s Everything but the Bagel seasoning. 
• This one is very important: Misha (one of the other mids) accidentally pulled one of the greatest pick-up lines I’ve ever heard on me. During one of our breaks during class, he was standing in front of the room and we were talking about running (probably marathons, because Misha is some kind of freak athlete), at which point I asked him something around the lines of “you got your eye on the prize?”. Misha very seriously responded “well you must be the prize because I’ve got my eyes on you” while maintaining direct eye-contact, and I think I nearly perished on the spot. For context, Misha is one of the most innocent, pure, genuine people I’ve ever met. I know people toss around the term “cinnamon roll”, but this kid might as well have his hair gelled with icing because he so perfectly resembles everything that is pure on this Earth. 
• Another Misha story: when walking to the gym together, Misha talked to me about how he didn’t understand the idea that women in this part of the world are (by some people) considered to be prettier than women back home. He went on to elaborate about how he only thinks of beauty as what people have inside of them, and I know people will roll their eyes but he’s being 100% legit. He genuinely doesn’t understand why people judge others by the way they look. Fascinating. 
• If there is one downside to Misha being so gloriously up in the clouds, it’s that he has this horrible tendency to state the obvious. So much so that we decided to call him Captain Obvious, but came to the conclusion that the title would be used so often we needed a new system. And so we have decided that each time Misha says something that is blatantly obvious, or if his sarcasm is completely indiscernible from his normal speech, he would get a promotion along the Navy rank system. As of this moment, Misha is a Master Chief. 
• Misha loves to dance! He’s joined the regional dancing club and has (fairly awkwardly) introduced us to his friends. I also had the great honor of helping Misha show our class how to do the waltz during one of our presentations, so y’all better watch out when I get back. I will be destroying the dance floor at Dillo’s with my sweet, sweet classical dance moves. 
• Let me tell you something, people. The gym dynamic here is wack. Pardon me, let’s make that Wack. A lot of the men wear slides/flip flops/shower shoes when they lift. I mostly just watch on in horror. A few days ago I saw a girl wearing a velvet choker and fashionable glasses while running. People will sort of lure behind you like a predator waiting to strike if you take up a machine for a while when they want to use it. There are always videos constantly playing and they usually range from things like sports fails to (lots of) MMA to softcore porn (i.e. women “exercising” that is actually just meant to provide close-ups on their glutes or chest. Delightful). The best part is that there have been multiple times during which I’ve looked around and seen half a dozen people stare at the TV with their mouths slightly open. Thankfully, I haven’t corrected on my lifting form (most likely because I just destroy any sense of my own happiness on the elliptical), but men seem to be pretty intent on providing a little extra, “helpful” instruction. 
• I have made a fateful transition from lattes to cappuccinos, though I must admit that I really don’t know the difference between them. 

• I ran in a 5K! For fun! For the first time in at least a decade! And I even got second place in my age group. Now, if you’re like Andrew (one of the West Point cadets here), you’d probably point out that it looked like most of the women in my age group were walking and on their phones. To which I would reply, “You’re just bitter because I got a second medal and didn’t even realize until we saw that one of the West Point cadets who had left slightly earlier had gotten first." And I will not be disclosing my time because it was pretty slow, but hey, the silver medal is now one of my most prized possessions. Also, huge fan of the running culture. Everyone was super supportive and loved to clap for people even if they weren’t going particularly fast. 
• At some point in one of our classes, we were somehow able to convince our Russian professor to watch spirit spot videos because of the Navy-Air Force game, and this activity escalated to the point that we continued for probably close to two hours. Mind you, this was a slotted 4-hour class that focuses pretty extensively on Russian grammar. In other words, it may very well be the equivalent of a living nightmare. For some ungodly reason I’d thought we should watch “What Does a Zoomie Say”, and I still haven’t forgiven myself for cursing everyone in that room with the knowledge of its existence.
• Speaking of cursed knowledge, apparently dogs say “Gaff gaff” when they bark in Russian. Ha! Have fun living with that in your brain.  
• We made our first international excursion since being here! Got the chance to go to Lithuania this past weekend and it was pretty freaking awesome if I can say so myself. We saw the Trakai Island Castle and Vilnius, the capital of Lithuania, and honestly it’s just wild for me to think that this place is filled to the brim with history, but if I were to ask all the readers out there where the Baltic States are on a map, chances are half of you would stare at me blankly, and I would be sad. More on Lithuania in the serious version of this post. 

Classic tourist shot outside a historic castle. No biggie.

• 
  Mindy and I also treated the whole weekend as an opportunity to take countless fall-themed pictures of one another. Get you a friend who always has portrait mode ready to go in case the lighting is just right. 

"Mindaugas among the leaves", 2019

• We ventured out to Devil's Lake near Daugavpils. Apparently the whole area is cursed and no animals live there so it’s strangely quiet and according to legend, anyone who has tried to swim across the lake drowns. Also, if you walk around the lake you’ll get lost. The best part: it’s a really small lake. The truth is that for some reason there’s a whole bunch of radon in the water (*shrugs shoulders*) so it pretty much explains most of the weird phenomena. Oh! And the lack can also change colors from blue to green to black. Like a soul-splitting, creepy black. But of course as Americans, we were just kinda like, “ok, that’s neat, we’re just eat our borscht in this gazebo right next to the lake.” And we actually survived to tell the tale. 
• On our way back from the excursion we stopped at a “Museum of Bread” and I think some higher power was finally calling me home. 
• One of the excursions also included horseback riding, and I don’t think that Legante (my strangely beautiful, auburn companion) was too fond of me. She liked to slow down and then gallop in little spurts which wasn’t as much fun as it sounds. Also, the horses here are absolutely HUGE. So much so that I was kinda terrified the first time we walked in the stables. They felt a bit more like majestic medium-sized camels than your typical horse. A lot of the horses also had these wild, unhinged looks in their eyes that sort of made you wonder just how many collisions with the stable doors it would take them to fling themselves onto us innocent bystanders. Also, my hands went completely numb during the ride and some small part of me was reminded of the Army-Navy game (aka the low-point of every year from a temperature standpoint), but moonshine really will do the trick to warm you up.
• Our favorite cafe, Cafe Imbir, closed! Our mourning of the blini (crepes filled with sweet cheese, fresh strawberries and smothered in a strawberry sauce) and awesome coffee was swift and necessary. I mean, a little part of me died because that place was everything I would have wanted a cafe to be and more, but life continues. I know you're thinking I'm being dramatic, but if I could take you there you would understand.
• A note on Cafe Imbir: the first time I went there and got a coffee, there was a spice that was on the counter so I put some in my drink, thinking it was cinnamon and it tasted fine, I swear. The second time I can back and put a little bit more in my drink. It took me about two sips to figure out that I had put a whole heck of a lot of pepper into my drink. You know why? Because I'm actually just 73 inches of beautiful fool.

We stan sunsets here.

Holy guacamole, that is a lot. And I'm sure there's plenty I've missed, but in the words of the kids, it be like that sometimes. Stay tuned for more shenanigans from your resident American trying not to look like a complete idiot in a foreign country!

Love,

Roz